The Dread Pirate Roberts Is Here For Your Soul!!

Last night Roverine and I ran across a Princess Bride marathon, and I had a sort of Princess Bride mental revolution. I've always assumed that the plot went something like this, Prince Humperdink needs to get married, so he chooses Buttercup since she's the most beautiful commoner in the land. This is unfortunate for both of them because Buttercup was planning on marrying her long lost (and presumably dead) love, Westley. On his end Humperdink doesn't really want a wife, he wants a war with the neighboring country, Guilder. He attempts to achieve this through a series of elaborate plots to either kidnap or kill Buttercup in a manner that can be blamed on Guilder. Much to Humperdink's consternation, each plot is ruined through the efforts of the Man in Black (aka The Dread Pirate Roberts, aka Westley (back from the dead)). The movie ends when the Man in Black, aided by Inigo the Spaniard and Fezzik the Giant, storms Humperdink's castle, rescues Buttercup, and leaves Humperdink tied to a chair, "wallowing in freakish misery, forever." Westley and Buttercup live happily ever after, Inigo becomes the next Dread Pirate Roberts and Fezzik dies at an alarmingly young age.

That is generally how I remember things. The good guys (minus Fezzik) end up living the good life while the bad guys' plans are ruined and they end up either dead or destitute. Unfortunately, last night I realized that things don't go that way. At the end of the movie Humperdink is left unscathed and tied to a chair in the castle. Buttercup has disappeared after a daring raid by a mysterious pirate and his band of miscreants. Humperdink has gotten his way. He has his war. Granted, Count Rugen, Humperdink's evil henchman, is dead, but the kingdom is intact, the prince is alive, and the Princess is missing. It's time to assemble the seige works if you ask me. You might wonder what happened to Westley's whole "wallowing in freakish misery" thing. In fact, he never actually did anything to Humperdink short of threaten "freakish misery" and then leave him "alone with his cowardice."

So what am I getting at? The Princess Bride is widely regarded as one of the best fairytale movies out there. In light of my revelation you might think that I would disagree. I don't. In fact I think that my revelation only increases the fairytale value. It's a win-win situation! Westley and Buttercup get each other, the Prince gets his war, and Inigo becomes a pirate. It is perhaps the greatest fairytale ever written. Granted, Fezzik's heart does explode, Count Rugen dies, and Miracle Max is probably hunted to the death for helping the "rebellion." I didn't say it was perfect, just the best ever.

On a side note: I've seen my fair share of TV movie marathons in my day, but last night was a first for me. As soon as the movie ended the screen was split horizontally about a third of the way from the bottom. In the bottom third of the screen the credits rolled and at the top of the screen The Princess Bride began to play again immediately. It was genius! Fair play to whoever thought that one up!