Niagara Falls: Where America Gets Screwed.

I initially meant to do all of these posts on my Niagara Falls trip in a row, but life got in the way. So without further delay, some ranting. It is popular, or at least common, in certain circles these days to bash America. The general argument seems to be that we are selfish, pushy, rude, and pretty much take what we want without regard to anyone else. I'm not going to attack that argument on its merits because of, well, New Jersey. What I am going to do though is demonstrate, through a simple geography lesson, that we are not all like that. This lesson takes place at, you guessed it, Niagara Falls. It is a running joke amongst our fellow countrymen that, when it comes to the falls, America got the short end of the stick. This is based upon the fact that the Canadian, or Horseshoe, side of Niagara Falls is significantly larger than the American side. That is an accurate statement, but I for one believe that the American Falls are adequately prestigious and beautiful in their own right. I also happen to believe that, despite what our President's ear size might indicate, Americans do not need to have the largest of everything. You may now be asking yourself, "If he doesn't think that America got the short end of the stick, why is this post entitled 'Niagara Falls: Where America Gets Screwed?'" Read on.

At Niagara Falls, America didn't get the short end of the stick. We got flat out screwed. Not because we got the lesser of the two falls, but because, from America, you can't even see the falls. You can't even see the American Falls from America! Sure, you can walk right up to the edge of them and watch the water fall of, but that is about it. All of those grand pictures you see on postcards and such are taken in Canada, where you can actually see the entire water falls. That is how America got screwed.

So what does any of this have to do with the whole perception that America is filled with a bunch of Imperialists? Quite obviously, the fact that we allow our weaker, more annoying, monopoly money using, neighbor to both possess the nicer of the two falls and all of the prime property for viewing said falls shows that not all Americans are greedy land grabbing jerks. Some of us are quite happy to visit the scene of America's greatest screwing, cross the border, and get screwed again on the exchange rate for money that we could have stolen out of a board game at our local Wal-Mart. Why? Because we like Canadians. They are nice to have as neighbors, and we really don't care that they made out well on the whole Niagara Falls deal. They are quite happy to let us look at them whenever we like. So in the end, perhaps only a few Americans (New Jersey) are a bunch of self centered jerks. If all we were, Benedict Arnold wouldn't have marched on Quebec two hundred years ago. He would have marched on Niagara! Thus ends my rant. Look forward to my next post on the falls, where I will plagiarise (and badly at that) Herman Melville.