Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Q Is For Qwerty Who Tells Us The Truth.

The most culturally relevant statement Veggie Tales has ever made. Qwerty does tell us the truth. And while we are dropping knowledge on each other, here is a tidbit for all you single guys. Someday you will meet a nice a girl and decide that she is less aggravating than any other girl you have yet to encounter. The relationship will blossom and grow and get "serious." Marriage will be thought of, discussed, and planned. At some point in this process you will find yourself with your fiance at your place of residence and she will make a statement that sounds something like this, "After we get married you'll have to come up with a better system for determining which pile of laundry is clean and which pile is dirty." When this happens, and it will happen, do not under any circumstances respond with, "So, you mean just asking me isn't going to work for you?" Trust me, it isn't.

Also

As the relationship progresses you may find yourself in another "hypothetical" situation. You will be using the restroom (your place, her place, doesn't really matter) and she will be standing outside the door urging you to hurry because she also has to go. In this situation it may seem like a good idea to ask her to rate her current bathroom need on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being no bathroom need at all, 10 being urinating on yourself). Trust me, this is always a good idea. However, when she answers with, "Probably a 7 or an 8" do not under any circumstances answer with, "Oh! So you still have two points to go then?"

Also

At some point in the relationship you will become bored. Not with her, just bored in general. At this time it might seem like a good idea to begin expressing your current needs in command form ended with the word "woman," stated loudly. For example:

"Get me a drink, Woman!"
"Put my shoes on for me, Woman!"
"Floss my teeth, Woman!"

While these statements do end the boredom, they seldom result in the desired actions being carried out, and in some cases lead to a direct kick to you back (ask Protienstar). Just something for you single guys to keep in mind.

2 comments:

matt said...

I laughed out loud.

"Bring me a beer, wench"

Unknown said...

Yes, but you don't mention in your blog how we single guys are permitted to make complete fun of you in the time until the same thing happens to us...