Eventually We All Realize That We're Dorks.

As much as my income and schedule permit I try to live an exciting life. Sometimes on purpose, sometimes not. I've willingly shared the water with a tiger shark off the coast of Mexico, and not so willingly fought a cobra for the rights to a basketball court in Nigeria. I've frequently been popular with the ladies, and seldom passed on an adventure. I always thought of myself as a pretty hip guy. That misconception came shattering to the ground this past Monday night. I found myself in the smoke-filled back room of a bar that was frighteningly close to the Three Mile Island power plant. I was there to watch a coworker's dart tournament, but quickly found myself more enthralled with the kid in the corner nursing a Miller Lite. He couldn't have been a day over fourteen. The tournament was uninspiring, and was predictably won by the pony-tailed behemoth who had to be on vacation from the WWE. Was he the best player? No, but he was the biggest. As I sat there, I began to realize that the fourteen year old in the corner was not getting the attention that I thought he may have deserved. In fact, most of the attention was directed towards me. I guess my first mistake was the Corona. If it comes from Mexico, is the color of goat urine, and must be consumed with a lime you can assume it will not be welcome at your typical "down home" bar. My next mistake? Not learning from the looks given after the first mistake. By ordering Coronas #2 and #3 I ensured that no one in the room missed noticing my drink of preference. As the room slowly chilled to my presence, my mind began to wander. Eventually my thoughts settled on my home DVD collection. If I left the bar immediately I could still get home in time to watch my newly acquired documentary on Benedict Arnold. That's when it hit me. I am a dork. I could have thrown down a twenty, order shots of Jack all around, and been a local hero by morning. Instead I threw on my jacket and rushed home to watch a video about a guy who died 200 years ago. If my fellow bar goers had only known. I deserved the looks. Not because of the Corona, but because I am a nerd, a tool, a book reader. I hang my head in shame.