Water, Water Everywhere, but Not A Drop to Drink

Alas, we have come upon difficult times. This morning the water cooler was found to be empty, with no replacement tank in sight. Immediate panic set in for some, but eventually cooler heads prevailed. What shall we do? The admin building next door has a water cooler. The fact that their weekly allotment of tanks is greater than ours, while servicing far fewer employees has been a long-term point of contention, and today, evidence that they may have a surplus of water. Being that it is not the weekend, and that the admin building is occupied entirely by our bosses, the covert water theft plan was aborted early. You may wonder why we don't have a water fountain. We do have a water fountain, and it spews forth a substance resembling dissolved chalk. Unbeknownst to my fellow employees, I had brought a small bottle of water to work today in my backpack, for personal use. I should say, previously unbeknownst to my employees, for I have made a fatal oversight and left the water bottle sitting on my desk while taking a phone call. The baboons circle quickly in these parts. "Please,please,please,please,PLLLLLLEASE!" bellowed one of my office mates, so I allowed her access to one styrofoam cup of water. She was pregnant after all. The other red-faced menaces quickly viewed this as a moment of weakness and increased their efforts. I, having the upper hand, stood tall and proud as I drained the rest of the water down my throat. The hoard was unhappy, but dispersed. I am now enjoying the rest of my day quite nicely. Begrudged and grumbling coworkers slowly walk past my desk and bless me with hateful glances. I graciously stop them and tell them about how much I enjoyed the water in the Caribbean when I swam there, it was so clear you could almost drink it, or about the time I went snorkeling in the Florida Keys, there was water as far as the eye could see, or I just tell them about how bad I have to pee after chugging that whole bottle! Anyway, I'm having a good day, even if no one else is.