One of the Great Dilemmas of Life

On a recent Facebook quiz (where else does one encounter probing questions about life?) I was presented with the following option: Pirate or Ninja? This is one of those questions that every adult in the western world must eventually answer for themselves, but let me aid you in your quest by taking you down the road that eventually put me at ease with this issue.



Let's look at the two based on their merits. Ninja's have a number of positive qualities on their side. First, is toys. Ninja's have a wide array of amazingly awesome weapons at their disposal, which have equally amazing names: nunchuk, katana, star. Their uniform, although resembling an adult form of footsie pajamas, is also appealing. Who doesn't want to be clad in black, slinking across a midnight rooftop to assasinate a foe? The uniformity of the ninja uniform adds safety. There is no way of knowing which ninja killed your father. Finally, the ninja has mystery. No one knows who the ninja is or where he lives. In an odd way, this makes the dream somewhat attainable. Anyone of us could be a ninja in our free time and no one would know.



Pirates also have toys. Most importantly, they have a ship and all the enjoyment that comes with sailing and the sea (including canons!). Add to that the cutlass, dagger, and pistol and the pirate has a toy chest that rivals the ninja. The pirate uniform is the opposite of the ninja, but equally appealing in its own way. It isn't really fair to call it a uniform, because pirates really just wear whatever they wake up in. It lacks conformity, but is incredibly easy to wear and maintain. Even if we exclude the Dread Pirate Roberts, pirates also have an air of mystery surrounding them. Who wouldn't want the high seas to tremble with the rumors of their cruelty? The problem with pirate mystery is that it never ends well. Eventually the pirate is caught, imprisoned, hung, or otherwise publicly shamed. The pirate life isn't easily accessible. Unlike the ninja, you can't just be a pirate on the weekends, it requires more of an intense commitment.



So, both pirate and ninja have some positive qualities, and both are very appealing (that is what makes the decision so hard), but ultimately I think this great dilemma comes down to a question of lifestyle vs. capability. Ninja's are highly capable, thus their reputation, but you never see them charging into battle with their beard on fire or ending the day with a beer and a wench. Ninja's don't seem to have any fun. Pirates do have fun. In fact, I would argue that pirates are fun. Theirs is a life of leisure on the high seas, punctuated by breif moments of intense battle. The problem with pirates is that they aren't very capable. While the ninja trains for battle, the pirate lounges between battles, and therefore has to pick his fights carefully and often flees from his most challenging foes.



At the end of the day, I have to choose the pirate. Mostly because of the lifestyle, but also because of the fame. Ninja's are really cool, but they all look alike. I can't imagine how frustrating it must be for them to assasinate the local shogun, but then have all the credit taken by some kid down the street who sits around eating wonton all day. Ninja's are anonymous. Name one. Now name a pirate. Name three. True, the deeds of the ninja live long after his death, but the name of the pirate lives along with those deeds. That is why, when faced with the question Pirate or Ninja? I must always respond "Pirate."